tonights vocal meditation was powerful! i have been staying at my friends house and she wanted to sit with me and meditate so we lit a candle in her living room and faced her communal altar. she lit some sage and we started. i chanted ah for a long time. at some point i was tilting my head to the left and right while chanting "ah" and i noticed my jaw had completely relaxed and stopped clicking in the way that it normally does every time i open and close my jaw! i was so amazed! i got insight that there is nothing actually wrong with my jaw except i need to continue to chant and use ah and om to relax the jaw and let it go back into it's healthy and natural track. (this is a huge revelation). i have been to many healers to work on my jaw, and nothing helps it in a lasting way. of course, as my lesson that continues to reveal itself in life, the answers are indeed within. i have the ability to relax myself in a lasting way as long as I have the ability to sing. humming is another great vibrational way to actually internally massage the bones and muscles in the neck and face which i intend on using as part of this 40 day vocal med practice.
the other part that i have to write about is that last night i touched the void. this has happened to me on one other occasion in my life while under the influence of a powerful healing medicine. it's hard to explain but I will try... it's basically a direct experience that nothing is actually happening in this life. that i / we nothing actually really exists. it's the ultimate dream of all dreams. consciousness has dreamt up some grand illusion of world, universe, galaxies but nothing or time actually exists in any tangible "real" way. the only thing that anchored me the first time i experienced this was the music, or at that time the icaros being sung. this was the same last night. i was touching/experiencing the void, not sure how my hand was still pumping the shruti box, how i was still singing, it was all effortless. the only thing that was anchoring me back into this so called physical reality was the voice and the shruti. wow. i didn't expect this last night at all! it made me really happy. it put so much into perspective. no worries can hold a flame to the experience of the void. it evaporates any concerns in a way that of course isn't lasting but it's great for feeling the larger perspective of the universe or the non-universe, as the case may be. in trying to think about relationships that haven't worked in this context, none of it really seems to matter. the void is not a place of hopelessness. it's not the great nothing from the neverending story. its the greatest most beautiful liberating nothingness that one could ever imagine. there's a deep liberation in it because it's the direct sense that nothing good or bad has ever happened, that there is not time, there is no success, no failure. this is maybe what adyashanti was referring to in his book "emptiness dancing". i haven't read that one but it feels like it has a similar essence. like spirit or consciousness is dancing and playing with itself by merely creating a reflection of itself that seems very real but in fact isn't... now go pinch yourself...
nice :-)
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