29 June 2017

Upleveling my financial reality

There is ONE reason I am not make the $$$ that I want to be currently. A wise person that I am growing closer to every day pointed me to a truth about this that I was really able to finally understand in a profound way. Don't get me wrong. I have always had enough to eat. Not one day have I ever been hungry or thirsty. I have always had the essentials covered. I have a car. I have a home. I go to festivals, I buy organic food. I go out to eat whenever I want. I belong to a gym. I go to concerts. I go to movies. I buy plane tickets to visit friends and family. So from some perspectives I am doing really well and I am grateful for the lifestyle I have allowed myself to achieve up until this point. So what is the ONE thing that has been holding me back from up-leveling my financial success? I'll give you a hint. It starts with a B... Yes, it's my Belief system. I 100% believed that I deserved and was worthy of getting just what I need to get by. I have believed for many years that I am ok with just getting the essentials covered and maybe a few bonus things here and there. But underneath that belief was the larger belief that I couldn't have more (or I didn't actually deserve more). Limiting beliefs around what I am worthy of getting has kept me bound to only have just enough and until I shift this particular belief I will stay at this same just enough level forever... I am being 100% transparent about this b/c I think that many people in my community are experiencing or have their own version of this scenario. I don't want to have shame as another aspect of this conversation so by airing it, I am normalizing it so that it can de-pressurize out of my system. I am shifting my belief around what I deserve and I am installing a new belief system that I have places for more $ to go, I deserve to have whatever I want in my life and I am worthy of it. I know that I stand in integrity and have such a huge prayer for my life which is to serve communities (both privileged and underserved populations) and in order to manifest my vision I am choosing to up-level my capacity for holding wealth and abundance. May the chalice be open to receive. May it be so. Aho. #creatrixcollective #creativitycouragechallenge #loveisthekey #igniteyourdivinespark #blessmylife

Stop Outsourcing Your Wisdom

I cannot give you creativity. I cannot teach you how to sing. I cannot explain a proven method on how to further your spiritual path. And I sure as hell can't help you find God. I am not here to help you add things to your life. I am not here to show you the three steps to living a more fulfilling life or the 5 steps towards reaching your full potential. I have to speak out as an individual who has an aversion to the formulaic way that so many coaching programs and self help gurus over promise and under deliver. If someone tells you they can help you make 6 figures in the next 90 days beware, or better yet, run far away! I have been sitting on the sidelines of this whole explosion of the coaching business in the bay area and I have to say that it has always left a bad taste in my mouth - it's the part of me that doesn't believe that we can fit an entire group of people into some formula and if they all follow it they will surely be successful. I kept thinking I would try it, I would pay $10K and join a program and be in for a year and then I would understand the magic formula to making over $100K/ year. I would finally be rich! And my problems would melt away... But I couldn't do it. Instead I hired a business coach. I have been working with him (Andy Lambert) for about 5 weeks and it was the best decision I could have made. I needed one on one coaching tailored specifically for my needs and what I am going to accomplish. This is where I saw a lot of the other programs falling short. I know I needed special attention! I needed someone I could brainstorm with, someone who was going to hold me to the fire and make me clarify my vision in a detailed way. Someone who was willing to listen to my vision and totally believe in me.
It feels authentic. It feels like it's helping me. And it's getting me excited to build my own coaching programs and teaching modules.
Presently I am refining my own individualized coaching program. I know I am here to help creative beings be more creatively expressed but I am also excited to explore coaching the population of silicon valley corporate executives to help them burst their hearts open, help them expand their own consciousness so that they can utilize their creative potential to inform & balance the exploding tech sector with heart centered wisdom, depth of awareness, spontaneity and playful lightness of being. Creative problem solving, heart opening, energy cultivation exercises, deep listening are just a few of the tools I will be teaching to help individuals move from repression to expression. I am forming a new language through this work. I am bridging tech lingo with whoo whoo and I am here to remind individuals to stop outsourcing your wisdom! It is time to learn the deep listening practices that are available. there is much wisdom medicine within your heart and your body and I am here to help those who are interested in learning about soul time and how to find the natural flow and pace of life your soul is asking of you to move with.
I am here to help individuals subtract the layers. The extra layers, the pretense that cover who they/you came here to be.
You hold infinite wisdom in your heart and in your body. As you read these words you know the truth I am speaking of. The quiet knowing that resides within you. That same knowing that resides within each of us. Do you hear it?
I am here as a gentle reminder that no matter how slow you think you are moving you could probably slow down even more and that may not be slow enough to align you with your soul-time.
What is your soul-time? How can you stop outsourcing your wisdom?
Interested in learning more? Let me know if you're interested in going on a deeper journey with me. I offer individual coaching as well as training modules on how to move from Repression to Expression! If you resonate with this message and feel intrigued to join me then please do! Send me a private message or sign up for my Divine Spark Newsletter on my website (emilymaylewis.com) #igniteyourdivinespark #creatrixcollective #creativecouragechallenge #loveisthekey #blessmylife

27 June 2017

Turning Grievances Into Gold

I am a collector

a collection of grievances tucked away in my belly and heart - never having a rainy day to come out and play 

poetically I weave stories of how others have hurt me. what does this give me? i get to be disappointed in others shortcomings. I get to feel like I have power over them in this game of control. they owe me something, always in my favor. 

Fuck this. this game is old. frayed edges. box is lost at this point and there is no bag around to keep the pieces together. It's too much work to keep track of any of it anymore. 

I keep trying to rearrange the pieces on the board so they stay in my favor. But eventually I get it. I surrender. 

The pawn here is me.

Playing myself. Hedging my bets against my own heart.

No matter which way I turn I lose. Because my heart hurts and no one else feels the impact as much as me. I realize it does me no good to hold on. Yet it seems so familiar. So comfortable. Now that sense of comfort turns into a look of bewilderment on my inner child's face. She's confused by this nonsense I am spinning. She looks at me like I must be crazy and she wonders how I have crafted such a fantastical tale of reality when it is her job to have the wild imagination. She looks at me with a sense of a bigger Truth in her heart. She is pleading with me to let it go. Let it all go Emmy. You are meant to be happy. You are meant to feel and know the lightness of being. You are meant to know your inherent worthiness. Inside you are gold. Inside you are love. You are light. There is no reason to carry the burden of the grievances on your back. They are weighing you down. They are tugging at your heart, they are making you tired, forlorn and bitter. 

So what now? What to do with all of this awareness of the game that has been at play for too long?

I lay it down. I lay it all down. I have a bigger desire to be undefended. I have a bigger desire to have an open heart. I have a bigger longing to see what I can manifest and co-create when my heart sparkles and is free and light and as it was when I was a young child before anything happened that pushed me to build the wall around it. I am breaking down the wall. I am opening my heart wider, deeper, more fully that ever before in my life. I may appear soft. I may seem fragile at first. I don't want to wear the mask of the strong one if I feel I am not.

I want to forgive it ALL. I want to let it all out of my heart and body and release it into the ocean. Into mother earth. Into father sky. I am committed more now to riding the edge of fierce optimism and unexplored potential. I am committed to exploring what it feels like to choose happiness in spite of anything that comes into my realm of experience. The choice is mine and I choose happiness in every moment I can remember to.

I know you may have heard all of this before. And maybe you have heard this all before from me. Something big has shifted though. I have moved on from who I used to be.

Like a cicada attached to tree, a 7 year cycle, I crawled out of the old Oakland skin that surrounded me. Now, fresh body, big trees, ocean air, new visions for a life that is free of the grievances, free of the hustle and the chaos. Oakland, the eddy I spiraled into on the river of my life. I spun in circles for years trying to find solid gold ground to come ashore but life pushed me further downstream.

I learned. I grew tremendously. I went way deep down into my shadow. I got my heart broken several times. I got abandoned. I learned that I could never be abandoned. I healed. I danced. I camped. I got therapy (lots of it). I laughed. I searched. I cried. I yelled. I sang. I burned. I played festivals, conferences, convergences. I organized parties. I started an on-going conversation with my inner child.

And I discovered Songtaneity. Who is Songtaneity? She is me and I am her. She is the embodiment of my fuller self creatively expressed self that is yearning to share her magic. She is still incubating but every day she grows more curious and wants to come out and play. She is a performer. She is magic. She is love and light. She is a mystical being who is guided by angels, listens to the redwoods and speaks in light language. She is not afraid of what you think as she knows she has the utmost pure intentions of sharing creativity. She is a portal and a way for me to get out of my own way and start creating on a bigger level. She doesn't know fear. She is guided by love, beauty, truth, openness, courage and expansion. Stay tuned... She is weaving sonic strands of sound reaching high into the heavens. She is humming soft tunes in the candlelight. She is walking the labyrinth and swinging in hammocks. She is creating music in her wee little attic room. She is listening to the silence and moving to her own heartbeat drum...

05 October 2016

Fierce Grace

Fall is upon us! The days are growing shorter, the leaves are falling and there is an even deeper turning inward. 

Yesterday morning I spent some time in my backyard watching birds. There were crows circling high, finches playing on the low branches in the trees and then there was my cat and me standing on the earth, watching them in wonder. I realized that it had been a while since I just stopped and really took in nature in this way.

It was not until today that I realized the significance of this scene. We all play in different places. We all have different vantage points and those vantage points are constantly shifting. The different vantage point we are currently standing in affects our perspective on everything. It affects what we can and cannot see and the way we perceive whatever is in our direct line of vision. There is a lot more going on out there (and in here) then we can perceive at first glance.

I have been contemplating the themes of optimism and pessimism a lot recently. These are very different orientations and depending on which one I am activating, I can either feel good or not feel so good. I have considered myself both at various times in my life. More recently I have been turning more towards optimism and in raising my vibrational frequency and seeing how there is actual resistance to feeling good for extended periods of time. There are unconscious judgments around just being ok. If my goal is to thrive then I first need to really feel solid in feeling good as much as I can more of the time.

What vantage point are you standing at today? What is your perspective allowing you to see? What images or things are in your line of vision that may be hiding treasures just behind them? If you move your orientation in the world are you able to see a situation, a person, a relationship differently?

It's helpful to try on different perspectives so that our brains stay fresh and the grooves don't get so deep. It's important that I don't get "set in my ways" so I like to remain as flexible around different perspectives as I can. When I let go of the attachment to seeing things my way or having an agenda to being "right" then the world seems to open it and I feel free. I let everything else be free too.

The moments when I deeply feel this freedom is being is fierce grace. I am grateful for these moments even if fleeting.

18 July 2016

I Will Not Forget About You

For anyone who has done "inner child" work you know that this is deep work... what follows is a true story of how we are the ones we have been waiting for.

Today I reclaimed a part of myself that I had been unconsciously neglecting for too long. For years I have had this theme running through my head and heart - "no one is coming for me". Someone always comes and saves other people, but no one will ever come for me. At first this desire/longing wasn't a conscious one. As with most things, it was so subtle that I didn't realize how central a role it had been playing in my decisions on a day to day, moment to moment basis. This underlying agenda to be saved, to be rescued by some outside force (preferably a beautiful man with long blond hair riding on a white horse ; )...) had been creating a momentum in a direction that left me in a disempowered state of living. i was at the mercy of this person showing up and i kept waiting. meanwhile, years are passing... friends are getting married, having babies, buying houses, living the life that I thought I would be living someday. well, that someday hasn't come for me. and the savior on the white horse didn't come either.

so much frustration and grief in this waiting... i know he must be showing up soon. I am a good person. I am honest. I am loving. I am smart. I am talented. I am beautiful. I am funny. I have a good voice. I am not crazy. I don't take any meds. I eat organic and I make my own almond milk. I am a good cook. I have done so much inner work. I have my shirt more together than most other people and they have all found their "person", their "savior"... Surely, he must be coming soon. I will just keep looking and waiting and looking and waiting and looking and searching... because I know he must be coming soon. maybe he doesn't know what I look like? hmmm. what the hell is the problem here?

Today I realized who wanted to be saved. It was not my adult woman self that needed saving. It was not the woman in me who needs a man to complete her to be happy and fulfilled. No... the one who always needed to be saved was my little one. Not my inner 5 year old. No, the much younger one. The 1 1/2 year old who got lost in the woods in Southern Illinois. The trauma of this early childhood experience has been with me my whole life. the fear and anxiety of this experience has been locked in my body since the night it happened... I unpacked some of it through therapy over the last few years. I did a 10 minute performance art piece on it which gave her a voice, gave her some stage time and attention. but she has been needing something more from me. she needed me, my adult woman self to rescue her from the woods. a part of me never left those woods. i couldn't. I needed my help. all these years I had been waiting for someone to come save me, never fucking realizing that I was the one I was waiting for. the profound realization of this hit fucking deep today. so many tears. so much pain. so much fear. my little one was waiting for me this whole time and I just didn't know.

So, today I took her back. I found her and rescued her from the dark woods. I told her I wouldn't ever leave her or forget to pay attention to her. I promised I would sing to her. I would write lullabies for her. She told me she would help me pick a man who was really good for me. A man who was really nice and who would take care of me. not in a father kind of way, but in a loving mutual caring kind of a way. I trust that through her eyes and through mine we can be in the world again in a safe way. now that I have her with me, I feel more whole. i feel together with myself.

My heart feels more peaceful. I trust myself in a deeper way than I ever have before. I kept saying today, "I got you. I got you". And she knows I do. This was all I / She needed, was for me to pay attention to her and let her know I am taking care of her. I got you little one. I got you.