being in my bones

an excerpt from Lisa Rafel's poem "The Room":

"I know nothing in this room
everything and nothing
time waits here to make my music
any instrument I want
no sound
but i know
like the lightswitch on the right
it's all the door"

As I heard this poem today, it struck a deep chord within me. it's the same concept I have been dancing around for a while but this time it penetrated me, flooded me with a real understanding all the way through. it's all the door! using someone else's model won't work for me. a mentor would be nice. however, i cannot continue to do things as i have been doing them and expect to get a different result. or no result as the case may be.

feeling my bones, really getting into my bones, not my heart, not my veins, not my skin, but my BONES. this has been a life changing event. i am not the same as i was this morning. i am more here than i was before. ready to actually be present and feel all the way through.

the quality of the sensations in my body is different than before. why am i writing this and making it public? as an inspiration and an invitation to whoever is reading this. an invitation for you to feel your bones as you never have before. an invitation to inhabit your body as fully as you can. the joy of being in a body can be the greatest joy if we make friends with it. no longer trying to run away from feeling all the way through. if my bones are strong enough, i have the capacity to feel anything all the way through. in this solidity and from this stable place, we can be guided. strong enough to walk into the darkness of a room. trusting that there is light beyond the darkness. there is access to light always. i have the ability to trust myself, my bones, my value, my worth and to trust that my body can guide me to the "instrument" i chose to make my music.

my soul guided me to be here. my brain can't take the credit for that one.