synchronicity and rambles

This is my first blog since 2010. so happy new year. since the solstice the theme of synchronicity has been glaring me in the face, in an up-close and personal way. so much that I can't not write about it in a public forum.

what role does synchronicity play in my life? why am i experiencing more of what I perceive to be synchronistic events lately than I have in a long time? is it because I am placing more attention on when it is happening or am I placing more attention on it because things are happening that are asking for me to pay more attention to them? and how they are related? it feels kind of like a chicken and egg discussion but with a bizarre little twist. everything comes back to trust. i'll explain that later.

101 ways to love

how do we forget to love? I remember when I was a child the way I loved. so sweetly and like there was nothing else to do.
i loved my pink dress with white hearts on it.
i loved my red slipper earrings.

i loved little things. miniatures. i still have them. bunnies, figurines, all porcelain figures, glued to a narrow shelving unit.

truth and solidity

is truth the only permanent thing? the truth of our beings, the truth that everyone is pushing away almost every second of the day. the truth that most of us have no clue why are here and what it is we are supposed to be doing here. the truth that if we knew the answer to the only question that really matters, (who am I?), our world and life would be rocked to the core that not many would survive with their sanity in tact.

will there ever be a feeling of solidity unwavering? i am water at the same time earth.

finding our souls' calling is the new thing that seems to be up for lots of folks now. the latest and greatest spiritual seeker's flavor of the day. I say this with some grittyness because I am here with this too. it seems cliche and that aspect kind of annoys me. It's like sometimes these words we use to identify things are so overused that they lose their meaning which is too bad because they start out pointing to some extremely important things. Do I know my soul's calling? yes, I think I do. Am I doing it? Kind of... in a round about way (wavering). what does it actually look like to "do it", to live one's soul's calling, to breath life into something that has come from the depths of creation and spirit? who are the people doing this and perhaps even with grace? and why does it seem that some people can dive into these spots while I am tiptoeing around the pool of inevitability. at some point there will be a time to dive in right? is your pool a swamp with alligators, leeches and grime waiting to twist around your ankles and pull you under? maybe. maybe that is what we need sometimes. to jump in. then to be pulled under by the very thing we have been avoiding our entire lives. we know we might just succeed and achieve something great. life is potential. living is possibility.

gentle true spirit

I have no "special" words to record here. tonight it is late and I am going to see what comes out of my psyche and to what extent I feel comfortable publishing something that has no plan. I am turning my blog into a more general free form writing blog. not so much focused on sound and healing, but more open to any type of inspiration that comes up. my avenues of expression are too varied to try and fit my ramblings into one theme. i would need many different blogs to keep them separated and that would be crrrazy!

i went through a portal of sorts yesterday. I learned some key pieces of information about my "self" and this body and why I am here. I can't say in more detail yet what I am referring to. only that as we look deeper, trust our inner knowing, and open to possibility, this world continues to look ever more strange.

i bought Native American hoop drum last weekend. this weekend I bought a desk and a chair. a drum, a desk and a chair.

falling in love with the bay area- 101 ways to love #37

#37 falling in love with nothing in particular, but a place, a region. it's a strange phenomenon for sure. it's a not a singular directed feeling. it is wide and spacious. vast and undefined. there are no boundaries for this kind of love. i have no expectations on what this place can give me. it is the kind of love that is accepting of the dirty streets, the smell of piss in the alleys, the love of cheap thai food, 24 hour quicky marts, no stars and infinite possibilities...