Day 29 Oct. 10th - Day 40 Oct. 20th!

well...
i have been SICK sick sick the last week. it put a damper on my bloggin
and on my singing and chanting.

what have i been doing?

sleeping and meditating silently, still doing the daily practice but had to modify it...

so i have followed through with my 40 day commitment but due to this crazy sinus infection
that i have been healing from the past week, my throat has needed a rest.

yesterday i meditated down at ocean beach and experienced the magic of watching pods of dolphins frollicking about in the bay!

i immediately felt a shift in my level of compassion for myself and gained perspective on a matter that i had been seeking resolution for. i was able to truly appreciate the simple beauty in nature and to know that i am that. i am that. i am that.

so many changes are happening every day in my world. everything is continuously falling away, into the abyss of the never never land that all moments go.

adyashanti talks about how everything is simultaneously happening and falling away all the time into nothingness. sometimes i can sense particles of this fabric of non-reality (to make a bad analogy) but for the most part those realizations are short lived. everything feels so real and seems to matter so much. my mind is trying to make sense of how it can be that each moment falls away. i know it does.
some part of me knows this.

to be continued...

today is my last day of the 40 day cycle.

i am complete but i will continue each day until i don't

Day 28 - Oct 9th C and G - Images of the Golden Mean spiral

Started out this evening's meditation with the shruti box in the key
of Bflat but it sounded wobbly and didn't feel right in my body or with my
voice. I realized that I resonate more with the full octave C (1 high and 1 in the lower octave)
and the fifth of that which is G. I know I have written about this before but last night's meditation
was super interesting...

when i switched to the C and G on the shruti and started humming into my heart, i got a clear
image of the exact spiral as the one above and that it was being hummed into my body and in my
heart!

it was so vivid. part of this blog is to record these moments of insight, synchronicity, magic,
and to document what affect this is all having in my body but also what changes are happening in other areas of my life.

more on that in another post... 

Day 26 (Oct. 7th)

tonight i joined in on my roomies weekly group silent meditation practice. holy shit it was powerful.

so much gratitude came welling up from somewhere and overtook me. tears formed in my eyes. i felt so thankful to know they were all sitting there, part of my world. part of my experience right then. just being here, i felt so grateful for all the beauty that is in my life. the friends, the privileged existence i live currently. my work is starting to become a steady flow of people needing my services and for that i am so blessed.

i prayed. i prayed for more clients so that i may be taken care of and create more abundance in my world. stating to the universe that i am open vessel and i am ready for more work and more clients to come my way.

gratitude is not something i have spent a whole lot of time with. i am not convinced it is something to "cultivate" as "they" say. but i think when it comes up authentically, these are times for me to take notice of and relish in. i shared my experience with the group afterward and they listened deeply.
the quality of my experience and perception had changed so much after being in a vibration of gratitude for just a few moments. everyone looked beautiful and shiny and i had a deep sense of ok'ness and love for them all.

this is proof to me that how we are really does create how we experience the world. its quite amazing actually... they didn't change from the beginning to end of meditation but something in me did which completely affected the way i perceived them. crazy shit man.

i'm praying for more gratitude and compassion and raisin' the vibration to that of love so that i may experience the world as that of love.

Day 25 (Oct. 6th)

silent meditation - vocal meditation

in discussion with the fleas that seem to have taken a liking to our house and cats. haven't made any progress yet as to why they won't leave our house. focus strayed on to thoughts of this coming week and weekend. work work work plans camping blah blah

vocal meditations prove to be a means to stay focused in a deep meditative way, unlike being silent.
sitting in silence has other benefits but it seems that using the voice during meditation is a way to keep energy moving and there can still be deep relaxation but b/c i have something to do i am less restless. silent meditations bring up the deep restlessness that has been there my whole life...

what am i trying to get away from?

what am i trying to get out of?

nervous system settling more and more these days. i am filling up more of me and cleaning the house of my body of other energy that isn't mine. fall cleaning. an autumn soul cleaning...

Day 24 (Oct. 5th)

Honey Flow Farm chanting and sound healing for the yoga class!

today i had the pleasure of chanting in nature (one of my favorite places to sing) for the beginning
and end of honey flow yoga out in jackson, ca.

the beginning of the class I led a chant (using the shruti box as the drone instrument):

om mani padme hum

for self compassion, this tibetan chant is said to contain all chants within it. i led the participants through a journey of opening their voices and placing their hands on their hearts in order to make contact with the heart. i have found this is useful for myself so I am hoping that it also helps others.

at the end of the class while everyone was in final relaxation pose i chanted and used the crystal bowl as the drone.  one man fell asleep so this was a sign i did something right...

the combination of making music and singing in nature in this way is really special to me. i wish i would have had more time to really ground into the place itself but i was only there for a short period of time.

being on a farm and eating a meal that literally grew 5 feet away from our table made so much sense to me. so much more connected and congruent then how i normally experience food. singing in nature also makes a lot of sense to me too. i felt so much more grounded and was able to lead a chant which is definitely out of my comfort zone...

Day 23 (Oct. 4th)

i am including my practice with naia today as my vocal meditation -
we practiced in the courtyard in front of an amazing house, situated on a bluff overlooking the ocean in moss beach.
we chanted the 5 tibetan warrior seed syllables: ah, om, hung, ram, dza. this opens and activiates all chakras and major energy centers in the body.

after going through our set list for our next musical offering we went to the back of the house and sat on the deck that has a clear view of the crashing waves on the beach below. the sound of the waves provided the backdrop for the new chant that we are working on...
 
om shri maha lakshmi yeh, namaha
divine mother, bless you with the sacred waters
infused with the most beautiful flowers

-->

your love is like a sacred river flowing near and far

your beauty’s like a silky river touching near and fear

near and far 

near and far

Day 22 (Oct 3rd)

lots of ah's tonight. releasing more tension in jaw. the ah seems to be the best thing for it. i'm so tired. a flea interrupted my meditation as well as my cat and my roommate vacuuming. i was noticing how the somatic experience of resistance to what is happening is a contraction and tightening of all major vital energy in the 3rd chakra. i was experimenting with melting into the experience of complete allowance. what does the body do when it says yes to everything that's happening? it completely relaxes. it is not using any energy to fight against what is happening.

i also chanted the following words:

i am love
i am light

i wanted to send compassion out to a person who i have been resistant to but then stopped myself and realize that i i needed to send it to myself first. this is my practice. to not override my own needs to try and forgive someone else first. i need to love and be gentle on myself and give myself the amount of care and attention before dispersing it out to others. from this place of more self-love i can be discerning as to who or where or what i put energy into. this process of discernment is a work in progress. more subtle information is coming in each day as i continue to do this vocal med.  practice.
having more synchronicities and weird things happening to me on a daily basis.

some good, some not so good. but i am deeply trusting in what events are happening in "my" world are in deed needing to...

Day 21 (Oct. 2nd)

tonight i sang for the sound healing after ecstatic dance in oakland. my friend Damian played the hang drum while i chanted and sang the song i posted last night. i improv'd the lyrics and the melody to flow with the rhythm that he played with.

i realize that when i close my eyes and sing i kind of retreat into my own world. i was only slightly aware that 200 people were on the dancefloor listening. it's always kind of been this way but more so at the wednesday night dances when the room is dark and it's easier to feel like it could just be me up there singing for 2 people or even just for myself. there's so much freedom in improv. i realize that i really trust myself with this style of music offering and performances because there is nothing to mess up. nothing pre-rehearsed that i can get "wrong" and there is so much liberation in this...

i got really good feedback from the sound guy and from a few other people which of course confirms that someone appreciated it and it made at least a few people drop in and feel something, whatever that was.

Day 22 (Oct. 3rd)

lots of ah's tonight. releasing more tension in jaw. the ah seems to be the best thing for it. i'm so tired. a flea interrupted my meditation as well as my cat and my roommate vacuuming. i was noticing how the somatic experience of resistance to what is happening is a contraction and tightening of all major vital energy in the 3rd chakra. i was experimenting with melting into the experience of complete allowance. what does the body do when it says yes to everything that's happening? it completely relaxes. it is not using any energy to fight against what is happening.

i also chanted the following words:

i am love
i am light

i wanted to send compassion out to a person who i have been resistant to but then stopped myself and realize that i i needed to send it to myself first. this is my practice. to not override my own needs to try and forgive someone else first. i need to love and be gentle on myself and give myself the amount of care and attention before dispersing it out to others. from this place of more self-love i can be discerning as to who or where or what i put energy into. this process of discernment is a work in progress. more subtle information is coming in each day as i continue to do this vocal med.  practice.
having more synchronicities and weird things happening to me on a daily basis.

some good, some not so good. but i am deeply trusting in what events are happening in "my" world are in deed needing to...

Day 20 (October 1st)

drawing a blank on what happened this day. god i wish it would rain and thunderstorm here.
had a dream last night that i was being shot at by big black wolves that then turned into buffalo men hybrids and were shooting 5 foot arrows at me. i was holding an infant and dodging the arrows. it was fucking intense.

i passed the baby off to a man that was going to be able to outrun the buffalo wolf - man hybrids
and we ran into a church and up the spire until the staircase got so little that we ended up in a new room. it was there that we had a face off with the strange beasts that were after us...

Day 19 Part II

I realize that what i shared for yesterday wasn't actually what I wrote last night. it was wrote in the moment, today.

ha ha

my words from last night:

my love
my love

what to do...what to do

sweet honey sweet honey

so simple, so simple
so simple but so high

how can i reach you?
so simple and so high

so sweet like honey ahhhhhh
so sweet like honey
i want to reach out and touch but it's so high

i am wading through
I am wading through
the layers, and the veils
and the layers and the veils
and the moss grows thick on the treetops and it covers me
and it covers me and it covers me 

i am dancing through
I am dancing through
the layers and the veils
and the moss grows thick on the tree tops and it covers me
and it covers me

i am singing through
I am singing through
the layers and the veils
and the layers and the veils
and the moss grows thick on the tree tops and it covers me
and it covers me

Day 19 (Sept. 30th) Improvisations and spoken soul words

tonight's vocal meditation was more creatively inspired. i used the time to sing from and to my heart with the intention of creating a new sound healing track. i hope to upload it onto my sound cloud page once it's complete.
improv-ing and letting words flow
allowing the voice to choose words before the mind
could sensor allowed not so sensical phrases to be formed

 but they make sense...

they roll off my lips like honey
honey
honey

playing around with soft voice, soft heart
embracing words like they are all i have these days

words that match the depth of experience is sometimes...

yeah, like there. couldn't do it. not sure if my vocab is limiting or
my experience of life is starting to stretch beyond what english is currently
set up to describe

so i make up my own language now and then and again
sans o ban vam limshasssssss

sara to ti jannna finlook tooo me.

look to me look to me
i look to you
we look ... we look to we

build bridges that support and last
and support land to land and lasting bridge
the last bridge. no dragon guarding the mouth of the opening to
God's country

the still point. vanish into the woods and cry out for help with all i have

gamelan tribe surrounds me and i have 6 sets of angels wings in my corner
got my back.

who are you? where did you all come from? and why me? you have been
with me since i was little and i don't know why...
 
opening up the channel i hear a high pitched tone

guide me into the belly of the love buddha and i will sit silently
satiated for a thousands years

steer me into the blinding light of my own true nature and i
will not blink until i am 104

i will not look away. i will not say

no

i will stay and i will say yes
i will stay and i will say yes.